August 04, 2004

What a crime ridden society does to you...

You live in fear, in a state of paranoia (dat spell wrong I think). You feel you have to lock up everywhere, and of course, you can't trust the man on the street for fear he might have a gun.

I saw the manifestation of that fear yesterday.

An old man came begging at the gate, he offered to wash the cars for a smalls. (Ok, I'll do what Mad Bull and Dr D do here....they translate for the foreign readers. 'smalls' = a little money). I told him no thank you, we have somebody to do that (Alvin, who's still at the hospital as I type!)

Then, you will be ashamed at what happened next.

He asked if he could have a drink of water. Immediately, what flashed through my mind was this....

Could a plastic cup hold through the grill gate, so I wouldn't have to open the gate, lest an accomplice be waiting outside?

Then I heard my father say no, don't give him, so I told him no. Later Pops would explain that he didn't hear him ask for water, he was saying no in response to the washing of the car.

But it wasn't entirely impossible that Pops could have said no to giving him the water, for the same reason I mentioned above.

So I felt really badly about that.

Then just awhile ago, while parking the car outside so I could move another one in, I saw a man walking up the road. Should I come out of the car now, or should I fiddle around with stuff in the safety of the car until he passed.

I chose the latter.

Posted by yamfoot at August 4, 2004 05:51 PM
Comments

I have on a number of occasions suffered terrible guilt - I always remember the sermon at church that Christ is among us - that he comes to us as those who need help..... and then I remember that Mahfood woman who died (or was she paralyzed??) helping one of the poor - she was shot I think. You want to help - but the payment seems too great.

Posted by: Princess P de la Bimshire at August 4, 2004 07:45 PM

As I read this, I think of Natty who was living in that state you describe, and I think of how different she feels here. I miss Yard, but not that aspect of it. :(

Posted by: madbull at August 4, 2004 10:16 PM

yes MB, being in the Eastern CAribbean makes me feel like how I imagine Natty feels. Such a terrible shame. There are so many places in rural Jamaica that I would love to discover, me one. But you might hear about a decomposed body in Stewart Town and hear that they could only identify it because of its yamfeet (smile).

Posted by: Michelle at August 4, 2004 11:22 PM

If living in Ja causes you to be in a constant state of paranoia (you spelled it right :-)) then its time for you to leave.

I don't say that I am not conscious of my personal security, but you have to relax to certain degree. You can't allow it to consume your life. Perhaps easier for a man to say than a woman.

For me, the 'guard' is most obvious when I come home from being outta street in the hours alone, I ent got no 'nine! (If I HAVE to get one, its time to go!) I first look for the presence of the dogs, if I see them looking all happy and tails wagging when they come to meet me at the car I am less on guard. But I still look left and right until I reach the door and have locked it behind me. Hit me bad when I had returned home from London.

Poor Ja. So many good and yet so many bad things. I guess for me its all about striking a balance.

Posted by: Dr. D. at August 5, 2004 08:55 AM