September 19, 2004

"Dear Oprah"

I mentioned a couple of months ago that when I was in Grenada in April, I cleared out stuff I had stored. In the box was a notebook which I had kept. One of the pages had a letter I had started to type to Oprah. This is how it went......

"Dear Miss Winfrey" (instead of Oprah cause me have 'broughtupsy'!)

"I know you wouldn't expect to get a letter from Grenada! Hope it's a nice surprise. Anyway, your show is very timely as I have just embarked on a more serious campaign to get fitter and healthier. I have been overweight all my life and every day while eating the foods I shouldn't be eating, I used to say 'tomorrow I'll start'. Well I think tomorrow has come."

"I moved here from my native Jamaica in mid 1997 partly to accomplish my long time goal of living and working outside of my home country and partly to improve the quality of my life, which was not allowing me to take full advantage of the beauty of living."

"I have a great job, which allows a lot of the true me to shine, and allows me to use the great abilities I know I have. I feel that losing soem weight will make me feel much better about myself. I don't want to be thin. I want someone ot have something to hold on to! Your personal weight loss story has been inspiring (Where can I get the book and video?)"

And that's all I have. Can't remember if I typed it up and mailed it....if I did I certainly didn't get a reply. But reading this, and reading all my journals and mini-notebooks from over the years, it highlights that my weight, or rather the abundance of it, has dominated my thoughts, and still continues to do so.

And of course, each mention by somebody about "look how your belly jumping" just brings it back into focus if I had temporarily and conveniently forgot I had an overweight problem while downing the cake and ice cream.

I don't know why I thought back then that writing to Oprah could have helped me. Maybe nothing or no one can help me. I know, I know, you will say "no one can help you but you".

And maybe I don't want help. Maybe I want to be this size that I keep hovering around for the past 7 or so years. Who knows.

Posted by yamfoot at September 19, 2004 08:27 PM